What am I?

Sounds like a silly question, right? Maybe it is. But, every day,  I find myself thinking about it. There are so many different parts to me; sometimes they all fit together right, but more often than not, some of those parts just don't seem to fit well at all, or some suit me better than others. It's like what I am changes so frequently that I can't hold onto any one thing. I thought I had it figured out. I thought I was a switch kitten that preferred to submit rather than Dominate. That's what I used to think. There's a whole five months of events that led me to realize that  there was more to me, and more to be confused about--but I don't feel like delving into that part of the story in this entry, 'cause that is more a story of its own. Switch. Someone who participates in both sides of D/s; someone who enjoys Dominating someone, and submitting to someone. I knew I was a switch, and I knew I leaned more towards submission. And I think I still know that. But something about the Dominance side of switching started to appeal to me more and more. Almost more than submission for a little while, then about equally. I got a chance to explore Dominance online, and needless to say, I am nooo good at it!! I enjoy being submitted to, but when it comes to actively Dominating them..I'm quite clueless and shy! Soo back to submission for me, where I know I fit--or do I? Some things I have had trouble giving up or changing. Sometimes...well, sometimes I just want to be me, without the submission. I feel like I am not cut out to be a sub, as much as the idea of being someones pet appeals to me; but maybe what I need to do is find someone who is willing and able to fade in and out of the dynamic as needed, and accepts that I've far from perfected my submission. On another, similar note--kitten. I am a kitten. Petplay, in both sexual and non-sexual; I love it. But again...through recent experiences and interaction...there's something else about me I found. I am a little; a babygirl, if you will. That opened a whole new door--the "Daddys Little Girl Complex" as I have heard it called. I don't have daddy issues, I don't like it as an actual Daddy/daughter roleplay. I'm not going to go into descriptions or definitions or whatever about the DD/bg dynamic, it would be digressing, and it's not the point I am making with this entry. Especially since most of the people reading my blog most likely know enough about the concept. Anyways. A kitten, or a babygirl? Both, technically. I thought that being a kitten was the biggest thing about me, in these regards at least. Then I found myself feeling less and less kitten, and more and more little. It's a confusing feeling to find out that something you used to turn away from is not only something you are and enjoy, but is also beginning to push other parts of you out of the way. Maybe it just takes time to feel a good balance between the two, or maybe I am discovering that a babygirl is even more what I am; I'll know eventually, I guess. That doesn't make it any less frustrating for me right now. I think about these things too much, and I know it. But when your beloved up and leaves you for something else, and you're still here picking up pieces...there's a lot of time to think, and a lot more to think about.