What am I?

Sounds like a silly question, right? Maybe it is. But, every day,  I find myself thinking about it. There are so many different parts to me; sometimes they all fit together right, but more often than not, some of those parts just don't seem to fit well at all, or some suit me better than others. It's like what I am changes so frequently that I can't hold onto any one thing. I thought I had it figured out. I thought I was a switch kitten that preferred to submit rather than Dominate. That's what I used to think. There's a whole five months of events that led me to realize that  there was more to me, and more to be confused about--but I don't feel like delving into that part of the story in this entry, 'cause that is more a story of its own. Switch. Someone who participates in both sides of D/s; someone who enjoys Dominating someone, and submitting to someone. I knew I was a switch, and I knew I leaned more towards submission. And I think I still know that. But something about the Dominance side of switching started to appeal to me more and more. Almost more than submission for a little while, then about equally. I got a chance to explore Dominance online, and needless to say, I am nooo good at it!! I enjoy being submitted to, but when it comes to actively Dominating them..I'm quite clueless and shy! Soo back to submission for me, where I know I fit--or do I? Some things I have had trouble giving up or changing. Sometimes...well, sometimes I just want to be me, without the submission. I feel like I am not cut out to be a sub, as much as the idea of being someones pet appeals to me; but maybe what I need to do is find someone who is willing and able to fade in and out of the dynamic as needed, and accepts that I've far from perfected my submission. On another, similar note--kitten. I am a kitten. Petplay, in both sexual and non-sexual; I love it. But again...through recent experiences and interaction...there's something else about me I found. I am a little; a babygirl, if you will. That opened a whole new door--the "Daddys Little Girl Complex" as I have heard it called. I don't have daddy issues, I don't like it as an actual Daddy/daughter roleplay. I'm not going to go into descriptions or definitions or whatever about the DD/bg dynamic, it would be digressing, and it's not the point I am making with this entry. Especially since most of the people reading my blog most likely know enough about the concept. Anyways. A kitten, or a babygirl? Both, technically. I thought that being a kitten was the biggest thing about me, in these regards at least. Then I found myself feeling less and less kitten, and more and more little. It's a confusing feeling to find out that something you used to turn away from is not only something you are and enjoy, but is also beginning to push other parts of you out of the way. Maybe it just takes time to feel a good balance between the two, or maybe I am discovering that a babygirl is even more what I am; I'll know eventually, I guess. That doesn't make it any less frustrating for me right now. I think about these things too much, and I know it. But when your beloved up and leaves you for something else, and you're still here picking up pieces...there's a lot of time to think, and a lot more to think about.

-30 Day Song Challenge; Day 1-

Day one-- Favorite song.  ^^


Well...hrmm, it's actually really hard for me to pick a one *FAVORITE* song. But I suppose I could use one of my new favorites that keeps getting stuck in my head!! >_<  It's a song that my adorable little kitty friend, Crimson, showed my the other day...

"First Impressions" - Julia Nunes

Enjoy!~ ^^

Musics = ♥

Sooo, since I wasn't sure where to start with this...I decided to take a fun little thing I found on facebook and use it here!--The 30 Day Song Challenge.  :]]


   Each day, starting, I'm going to post a song as according to this list--

Day 01 - your favorite song
Day 02 - your least favorite song
Day 03 - a song that makes you happy
Day 04 - a song that makes you sad

Day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone

Day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere

Day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event 

Day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

Day 09 - a song that you can dance to

Day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep 

Day 11 - a song from your favorite band 

Day 12 - a song from a band you hate 

Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure 

Day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love 

Day 15 - a song that describes you 

Day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate 

Day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 - a song from your favorite album

Day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry 

Day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

Day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

Day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29 - a song from your childhood 

Day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Hope you enjoy getting to know me through my music tastes!~  xD